Finding Inspiration

     In 2007, when I was newly widowed, and while I would have called my only emotion ‘ numb’ I was filled with sadness and I cried often.  I had little interest in anything beyond my small, grief-filled life.
     I had been asked to write an essay about the experience of loss, and I had agreed. It was painful and difficult. Each morning I sat down at the computer and as I re-read the screens of words I had already typed, I relived the details of what had happened, and I wept.   
     One of my friends was a first reader for me, and an early comment she made was to suggest that I include our relationship to nature in my story.
     In the afternoons I would go outdoors onto the rural acreage where my partner and I had made our home. I had a digital camera and I would wander among the different areas of land, taking pictures of the views, of the treeline, of individual plants, and the details of things that grow in the natural world when it is left neglected.
     I enjoyed being out in the fields and the woods. There was a lovely cool area where I had scattered some cremated remains, and when blue-bead lilies sprang up there the following spring, I privately labelled them Phoenix Plants, and celebrated the idea that nothing is ever lost, only transformed.   
   My own life was gathering in a new direction. I was working in a Spiritual Centre, bringing Numerology to a new audience after 25 years of practice. I dusted off my Tarot and Oracle cards and the I Ching coins that had been neglected while I had been busy feeding chickens, selling eggs, and shovelling out the coop. 
     I explored the dozens of card decks that were on sale in our store, and expanded my repertoire a little. 
     I continued to walk frequently around the land. There had been household gardens and agriculture on the site for at least a hundred years, and while we had cultivated crops, I no longer indulged in any kind of horticulture.
     I began to look objectively at the pictures I had been taking, and I realized that some of them would make brilliant oracle cards. I had recorded the seasonal changes of some plants, and captured the beauty of others. I began a new directory on my computer and called it Pix for Cards, I put the best of the photos into it.
     Then I moved. Then I changed computers. Then I got distracted by other things. Every January when I moved my Work in Progress lists onto new calendars, the ?Cards? came with me, but they were little more than a soft background noise. Until recently.
     The essay I sobbed over was finally finished after four months, by which time I was able to read and edit it without tears. It was published in 2012. 
     Work on the card deck is underway now. The cards with their captions are in the hands of a designer. The interpretive booklet is almost written. The box is being designed as I write.  Twelve years after I took the camera and went out walking, an amazing and inspired collection is almost ready, it will be shared with the world during 2019.

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